I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.