So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
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finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?