My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
pray to the hookup gods
I touched a dick in church today