Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.