im about as happy as oj after his trial
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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