why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
