Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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