We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
