I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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