Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
