Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
