Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need to calm my uterus...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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