You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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