Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
