i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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