so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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