It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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