Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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