Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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