i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
