I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
