youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
