So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
