just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway