he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
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There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.