Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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