I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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