Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
