are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
