Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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