I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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