nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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