Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
