Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize