Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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