direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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