well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize