Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.