Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.