Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus