Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.