Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?