Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
