i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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