just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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