Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
