I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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