I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
