i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize