I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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