brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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