tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
