dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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