i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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