just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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