I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
