Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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