Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
